While I could take this brief entry to talk about 'The Dark Knight' and how awesome it was; or discuss the ramifications that 'Hell Boy 2's success had on comic movies of the future; or reminder the reader about how much I detest Dan Didio, I am simply going to reference two characters (one from each of the big 2 comic book houses) that should be getting much better treatment than they've received over the past couple of months (my one shameful caveat is that I'm not too current on their whereabouts and well-being as of the past couple of weeks...so don't sue me if I'm misguided):
Nightwing: is there a hero more abused and left to dust like Dick Grayson? Almost a decade ago he was heading up a new JLA. A couple years ago he and Superboy destroyed the Anti-Monitor. He headed up the Outsiders after the Titans failed. He's consistently been the best of the Dark Knight (careful, smart, a great tactician, and cocky) and Superman (no powers but has a heart of gold and actually cares about his teammates). By far he would be my choice to lead the DCU through the next crisis (which I'm still unsure if they're even in one right now...all I've seen is a few folks hangin' out with Libra).
My issue is that they were first going to kill him. Now they're gonna kill Batman (equally ridiculous) and have Dick become Bruce (which he doesn't want to do and it's been done already, see Knightfall). When he left the Outsiders he lost all sense of the good balance between bad ass leader and compassionate teammate. Now he's just as brooding as Batman. DC needs to return this kid to his glory and soon.
Layla Miller: Without her, the Marvel Universe would be stuck in the House of M. While that's a great series and it has had some success with an elseworlds spin off (HoM: Avengers) we're smack dab in the middle of the Skrull Invasion. And where is she? What's she doin'? She got recruited by SHIELD and had to turn it down. Really? Does anyone realize that A. Layla had her mutant powers BEFORE she became a teen (for those lay folks, when you hit puberty you get your mutant powers along with acne...) and B. she's the most well spoken wisest character out there this side of Stephen Strange, who is now MIA.
While putting her in X Factor and having Peter David write for her is always a treat, they sent her into the future and (I believe) she has yet to return? Or she has and is still just hanging out on that step? Can someone tell me why she's not messing up Skrulls with one thought?
All right, 'nuff said. Also I've given up on Trinity. I don't really care what's happening with any of the Big Three since the week to week writing hasn't been as fresh as the first issue. Oh, and someone let me know, again, when they bring back Barry Allen so I can stop buying comics.
pb
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Read It...NOW!!!
As I wrote on my other blog, George Carlin passed away today (the 23rd). This has been sad to me, but I decided more than spend my usual (and probably somewhat redundant rant of describing the intricate conspiracies of Secret Invasion and the infuriating ungenius of Dan Didio) I've decided to give a shout out to humor.
My friend Ryan Johnson turned me on to two comics recently which have been highly rewarding reads and made me chuckle.
First, the All Star Batman & Robin. I thought at first that it was just a send up of silver age Batman tales. A lot of tights, a lot of "holy rubber suit" batman jokes. Not a fan. Then I realized that Frank Miller was the writer for the series. Similar to Marvel's series where guest writers take on characters, Frank Miller takes the 60's Batman and twists him into his Dark Knight, curt, introspective Batman he's famous for.
Nothing like Batman painting himself yellow, sipping on lemonade all to piss off Hal Jordan (they don't have a great history by the way). Genius. Sure genius. This series doesn't reinvent or create an elseworlds storyline. It's the same original storyline, with some Miller twist. His language usage, the pompisity of batman...seeing even little dickie grayson refer to Hal as a "rube" is classic.
On a darker note, but one I imagine Miller would uphold, is a series from Dynamite Comics called "The Boys." The comic mocks the JLA magnificent seven (referring to them as The Seven) and demonizes them to the point where they are all about endorsements and money and see saving people as a part time job. The good guys are five characters who have some super powers but spend most of the time showing the corruption of the super groups.
Written very well. Chalk full of irony. And if you're a comics fan, reading the little digs and stabs it takes on the Marvel and DC is pretty entertaining. No character is safe. It's also a comic with a pretty high parental advisory warning (lotta bad language, lotta violence, lotta sex). But the 'raunchiness' is done with fine percision and intelligent wit. It's not gratuitous. It's methodical.
On a day when we all lost a man who embraced pushing the envelope and saying what he wanted, these are two comics that any George Carlin/Comic Book fan will appreciate. So keep the laughter and irony rolling in these dark days.
pb
My friend Ryan Johnson turned me on to two comics recently which have been highly rewarding reads and made me chuckle.
First, the All Star Batman & Robin. I thought at first that it was just a send up of silver age Batman tales. A lot of tights, a lot of "holy rubber suit" batman jokes. Not a fan. Then I realized that Frank Miller was the writer for the series. Similar to Marvel's series where guest writers take on characters, Frank Miller takes the 60's Batman and twists him into his Dark Knight, curt, introspective Batman he's famous for.
Nothing like Batman painting himself yellow, sipping on lemonade all to piss off Hal Jordan (they don't have a great history by the way). Genius. Sure genius. This series doesn't reinvent or create an elseworlds storyline. It's the same original storyline, with some Miller twist. His language usage, the pompisity of batman...seeing even little dickie grayson refer to Hal as a "rube" is classic.
On a darker note, but one I imagine Miller would uphold, is a series from Dynamite Comics called "The Boys." The comic mocks the JLA magnificent seven (referring to them as The Seven) and demonizes them to the point where they are all about endorsements and money and see saving people as a part time job. The good guys are five characters who have some super powers but spend most of the time showing the corruption of the super groups.
Written very well. Chalk full of irony. And if you're a comics fan, reading the little digs and stabs it takes on the Marvel and DC is pretty entertaining. No character is safe. It's also a comic with a pretty high parental advisory warning (lotta bad language, lotta violence, lotta sex). But the 'raunchiness' is done with fine percision and intelligent wit. It's not gratuitous. It's methodical.
On a day when we all lost a man who embraced pushing the envelope and saying what he wanted, these are two comics that any George Carlin/Comic Book fan will appreciate. So keep the laughter and irony rolling in these dark days.
pb
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Why is this Man Smiling?
Trinity came out last week. I read it. Sadly, I have a feeling I will purchase all 52 issues over the next year.
The one thing that Trinity is likely to succeed on is that it's focusing on DC's big three: Supes, Bats, and Wonder Woman (who recently found a dead body near DC...look it up, it's true).
Of course, I fear both the success and failure of this series. If it succeeds, they'll say "Let's pick three more superheroes" (ignoring the return of the Brave and the Bold which features a russian roulette of superheroes). If it fails, they'll say "well now that Final Crisis is over and since we're waiting for Ultimate Crisis: The Final Shocker, we'll try it again with these three."
But, I will say the first issue was ok. It's all about who is this dude they're dreaming?
Just like, who is this rando god that's walking around JSA? And why does he smile all the time? He healed Damage, which makes me ask the question: how do they kill off Bart Allen whose own series lasted longer than Damage's did when he was a kid (and had a stupid looking bowl haircut) and who was on a better selling team title (The Titans, sucked, but Young Justice, rocked)?
And are the new gods these gangster dudes or are there gonna be real new gods like they displayed in the Final Crisis sketch book?
And what is Final Crisis? Why is final? Does anyone understand the monitors yet? Can Uatu the Watcher come in and pimp slap them around a few times?
And why oh why is Spider Woman trying to convince Tony Stark he's a skrull? He clearly is not, his movie made way too much for him to be a skrull.
pb
The one thing that Trinity is likely to succeed on is that it's focusing on DC's big three: Supes, Bats, and Wonder Woman (who recently found a dead body near DC...look it up, it's true).
Of course, I fear both the success and failure of this series. If it succeeds, they'll say "Let's pick three more superheroes" (ignoring the return of the Brave and the Bold which features a russian roulette of superheroes). If it fails, they'll say "well now that Final Crisis is over and since we're waiting for Ultimate Crisis: The Final Shocker, we'll try it again with these three."
But, I will say the first issue was ok. It's all about who is this dude they're dreaming?
Just like, who is this rando god that's walking around JSA? And why does he smile all the time? He healed Damage, which makes me ask the question: how do they kill off Bart Allen whose own series lasted longer than Damage's did when he was a kid (and had a stupid looking bowl haircut) and who was on a better selling team title (The Titans, sucked, but Young Justice, rocked)?
And are the new gods these gangster dudes or are there gonna be real new gods like they displayed in the Final Crisis sketch book?
And what is Final Crisis? Why is final? Does anyone understand the monitors yet? Can Uatu the Watcher come in and pimp slap them around a few times?
And why oh why is Spider Woman trying to convince Tony Stark he's a skrull? He clearly is not, his movie made way too much for him to be a skrull.
pb
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Are you a skrull?
"He loves you..."
So, of all the trigger phrases...why this one? Could there be a more lame phrase? Why can't it be something cool like Radio Goo Goo?
Regardless, marvel secret invasion is on...full boar...and some folks are skrulls...who you might say? Well...
Definitely:
Mrs. Fantastic (kinda)
Henry Pim
Ms. Marvel
Elektra (but you knew that)
Jarvis (that's why the Avenger's meals sucked recently)
Hawkeye (the other one, not Ronin)
Spidey (again the one found on the Savage Land)
Maybe:
Spiderwoman (the skrull queen apparently is all over that)
Cassie Pym (it's circled on Fury's board)
Tony Stark (really...are they really gonna do this?)
Luke Cage's baby
Not at all:
Captain America...the alive one...cause they couldn't keep superman killed so why not bring back cap as well?
Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt:
Dan Didio
Next up for the Marvel Universe, the age old conflict of letting the super hero kids fight the first wave of villains. Runaway and Young Avengers are so good....why do they keep wasting story lines with them?
Do I have anything to say about DC Zero...nope.
pb
PS Sike! Yep, what the hell is up with bringing back Barry Allen?
So, of all the trigger phrases...why this one? Could there be a more lame phrase? Why can't it be something cool like Radio Goo Goo?
Regardless, marvel secret invasion is on...full boar...and some folks are skrulls...who you might say? Well...
Definitely:
Mrs. Fantastic (kinda)
Henry Pim
Ms. Marvel
Elektra (but you knew that)
Jarvis (that's why the Avenger's meals sucked recently)
Hawkeye (the other one, not Ronin)
Spidey (again the one found on the Savage Land)
Maybe:
Spiderwoman (the skrull queen apparently is all over that)
Cassie Pym (it's circled on Fury's board)
Tony Stark (really...are they really gonna do this?)
Luke Cage's baby
Not at all:
Captain America...the alive one...cause they couldn't keep superman killed so why not bring back cap as well?
Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt:
Dan Didio
Next up for the Marvel Universe, the age old conflict of letting the super hero kids fight the first wave of villains. Runaway and Young Avengers are so good....why do they keep wasting story lines with them?
Do I have anything to say about DC Zero...nope.
pb
PS Sike! Yep, what the hell is up with bringing back Barry Allen?
Friday, April 25, 2008
That's It?
Countdown ended this week. The lives of Mary Marvel, Jimmy Olsen, Holly Robinson (wasn't she married to Rodney Peete?), Harley Quinn, Donna Troy, Kyle Rayner, some bug lady, some disco space pirates...am I missing anyone? Oh yeah, Jason Todd and pretty much all of Jack Kirby's fourth world. Anyway, yeah, their story's over. And in one year you wanna know what's changed in the DC Universe?
Nothing...except the unreasoned destruction of Kirby's 4th world...to make way for the 5th world? I seem to recall that they did this with the new age of magic...this is what's allowed Billy Batson to replace the wizard Shazam.
Darkseid's dead...Darkseid...wanna know how he dies? Orion rips out his heart. They've fought for decades and Orion magically figured that out now?! And why is one of the best villains of all time dead?! Part of the allure of Darkseid is that he's hanging out, but he's always evil. He's smart evil. He's patient evil. He's not the Joker, killin' folks every three seconds. Or Luthor, compulsed to the point ridiculousness. He's frickin' Darkseid, which means you can bench him for story lines, pull him out, have him kick some ass, and move on. And he never dies.
So what have we learned from Countdown? Nothing. There are still 52 universes. Ray Palmer is still the bomb. And I'm like $156 poorer for having read a series which had no storyline bearing on anything.
Thanks DD for all that! Really looking forward to Trinity!
pb
PS Yeah, anyone read a Marvel comic lately? Someone wanna explain to me how despite the Skrulls who are like all the X-men can be easily killed by having large metal objects run through them? Or how for some of the 'human' skrulls they're easily killed by bullets? Back to the drawing board boys...
Nothing...except the unreasoned destruction of Kirby's 4th world...to make way for the 5th world? I seem to recall that they did this with the new age of magic...this is what's allowed Billy Batson to replace the wizard Shazam.
Darkseid's dead...Darkseid...wanna know how he dies? Orion rips out his heart. They've fought for decades and Orion magically figured that out now?! And why is one of the best villains of all time dead?! Part of the allure of Darkseid is that he's hanging out, but he's always evil. He's smart evil. He's patient evil. He's not the Joker, killin' folks every three seconds. Or Luthor, compulsed to the point ridiculousness. He's frickin' Darkseid, which means you can bench him for story lines, pull him out, have him kick some ass, and move on. And he never dies.
So what have we learned from Countdown? Nothing. There are still 52 universes. Ray Palmer is still the bomb. And I'm like $156 poorer for having read a series which had no storyline bearing on anything.
Thanks DD for all that! Really looking forward to Trinity!
pb
PS Yeah, anyone read a Marvel comic lately? Someone wanna explain to me how despite the Skrulls who are like all the X-men can be easily killed by having large metal objects run through them? Or how for some of the 'human' skrulls they're easily killed by bullets? Back to the drawing board boys...
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Continuity, Foreshadowing, and Successories
Continuity Problem
I know, I read comics. How much a continuity problem could I really have when characters fly, destroy stuff with their brains, and regularly try to save the earth from some threat which wrecks half of it. Really, the clean up bill and time for any major metahuman fight would be enough to raise a few eyebrows of reality. Yet, I saw this other day and this bothered the bajeezus out of me.
Martian Manhunter has morphed into Blockbuster (another DC villain) so he can do recon on this planet of villains. He's done this at the request of Batman (this again, how in the world do the other mind readers NOT pick up on the fact that he's not really him?). But to be fair, he's there, calling Bats, and giving him the 411.
All of a sudden, Catwoman sees him. She's in a tree (natch) and about 15 yards away, tops. There's nothing else in the area. NOTHING. And yet (as I know) he does not notice her AT ALL.
Rewind to a little ditty called the Technis Imperative (quick refresher: Cyborg, Victor Stone, is a huge Galvatron-like planet that kidnaps anyone who's been a titan (kind of a bizarre Titans reunion). In short, this conflict is used to stage a JLA vs. Titans brawl (no bad guys in this one at all) AND to launch the 3rd gen Titans series (which soon gets canceled because it's not that great...).
My boy, J'onn J'onnz, is hanging out in this fifty foot trench, surrounded by tech, about 40 titans, and 15 JLAers. Somehow, while all this is going on, he mentally senses Catwoman's presence. She's about oh 50 feet away. HOW!?!?
Of course I blame Dan Didio for this.
Foreshadowing
Comics have advertised upcoming story lines for a couple of years now. Kinda like a mini-movie preview. Some have been kind of cool, others way too cryptic for anyone to care. Over a year ago the big Double D (Dan Didio) unveiled a two page spread with a bunch of superheroes on it standing around a destroyed statue of liberty head. This spread, explained later by Double D, apparently foreshadowed future plot lines and deaths in up coming issues. Many of these things have only just been revealed.
In the newest picture villains are in 4 groups of three with some heroes peppered in. Luthor's hanging out in the middle in some "oh my God what have I done!?!" type picture with purplish/reddish blood all of his hands. What do all these things mean in this picture? I'll tell you what they mean (no spoilers to worry about since I'll admit I don't read any sites which actually have spoilers...):
Group 1:
Martian Manhunter holding a knife with blood, Joker pointing a finger with one hand, placing his other hand on the shoulder of and talking to...Catwoman who is standing there baffled.
What we know at this point...
The three of them are on the alien planet that everyone got sent to. As I explained earlier JJ is doing recon, Catwoman sees him, and Joker is running one of three factions (the smart money by the by is on Vandal Savage who has lived for centuries).
What this might mean...
JJ is gonna kill Joker and end the Batman series forever; Catwoman's gonna retire. Or, JJ somehow saves Catwoman from the Joker.
Group 2:
Kingdom Come Superman holding what looks to be Ray Palmer(?) in his hand; cyborg superman chillin' out; Superman/boy Prime in new super cool Darth Vader type outfit whispering in Cyborg's ear.
What we know at this point...
Sadly, not the most cryptic group but their story lines make it that way. Prime has supposedly found his planet only to then destroy it and others. Whereabouts currently unknown. Hank Henshaw (cyborg supes) got the snot beat out of him by Green Lanterns and is being put back together by the manhunters, ALTHOUGH they've played up his story line a lot that he doesn't really wanna be a bad guy...confused...yep...and KC Supes, well, he's hanging out...trying to find Gog...not only do their story lines not cross but one of them is a good guy.
What this might mean...
Prime's telling Cyborg "dude, you're gonna get blown up and put back together and blown up again." KC Supes is like "I have you Ray Palmer and now you will give me back the $20 you owe me for our bet concerning Alex Ross' writing ability."
Group 3:
Granny Goodness with shield behind her, Mary Marvel in black costume, Eclipso doing a freaky tongue thing to MM.
What we know at this point...
MM just got her powers back and is not wearing black, GG is dead and was orchestrating the whole Amazons Attack thing, Eclipso is MIA. Even more confused...I hope so...
What this might mean...
Clearly a cheap way for the editors at DC to say "hey, we really wanted to do explain why Amazons Attack happened, and to show that Mary Marvel could be evil, and to show that there's no getting rid of Jean Loring as Eclipso." Essentially this is a CYA move by DC for poor plot planning.
Group 4:
Trickster is holding Piper's flute, Desaad is looking creepy and well...Desaad like, and then there's the Penguin, the most innocuous of the group.
What we know so far...
Oh yeah, this is my favorite cluster...Desaad's been stealing people's powers and trying to stay alive as all the 4th world characters are getting picked off. But, now he's dead. Trickster's been dead for most of the year (and Piper just recently died). And Pengy? Well, I haven't seen him AT ALL throughout most of Countdown.
What this might mean...
Trickster is clearly saying "can you believe this mess? When is this going to end?" with Penguin responding "Trickster, that's the blood of all the writers that Didio fired," and of course Desaad thinking "boy I'm creepy." They will all have their own series coming up...
Luthor:
What we know so far...
After the everyman experiment failing AND his injustice league failing he's apparently donned his early 1980's outfit and killed someone he didn't want to.
What this might mean...
Luthor's going retro...expect Brainiac to do the same.
Everything Else:
Well we know that the broken skis are for the Black Racer dying, the book of blood has a knife through it...if I read that series I'd tell you something profound but I bore easily of the worthlessness of it, the broken arrow is for Conner Hawke, the boom tube and the compass thingy are probably related...but I don't know how, or really care, and lastly the big broken stone head of Darkseid (whom, of course, will be the ONLY survivor of the 4th world since he's too cool to kill off, ever) well that means that he doesn't win.
In short, I don't have the answers...but this time around I have a feeling that DC doesn't either.
DC Successories
Related to some foreshadowing ads but seemingly went from super cool to super ridiculous is DC's newest ads unveiled about a month ago.
The Cool One:
Mongul is hanging out looking at his hand which is adorned with a Sinestro Ring and a Green Lantern ring. Rising above his hand is a new star sapphire ring. The caption below reads "Domination." Part of what makes this cool is the very greedy look on Mongul's face.
The Ridiculous One:
Brainiac 13 (or Luthor dressed as Brainiac 13) is hooked up to all manner of tubes and wires with two major tubes plugged into bottles holding two somewhat similarly looking cities (think Kandor). Underneath the caption reads "Oppression." What kills this is the very "Dude I'm so getting high" look on B13's face.
So what does all this mean? If you've been following GL at all you'll know that Mongul does indeed have a sinestro ring. This not only seems feasible but with the way all the cool stuff is happening with the GL series now seems the most exciting to find out (mass credit to Geoff Johns and Eddie Berganza). However, like the Penguin, we haven't seen a trace of B13 at all...we've seen him in only tiny pockets here and there ever since he got shoved back to the beginning of time to be destroyed with Imperiex.
This does inspire other possible DC Successories ads:
Picture: Extent's got a series of clocks around him at various times, including a series of decorative Swatch's on his wrist. On his face is a strained look.
Caption: Frustration
Picture: Tony Stark has a series of empty bottles around him and is passed out with various parts of his Iron Man costume off and on him. On his face is a drunk look.
Caption: Incapacitation
Picture: Dan Didio has pictures of various superheroes who he's killed off (or will kill off) and is smiling with a handful of darts. On his face is that stupid mustache.
Caption: Creative Mutilation
Picture: Scores of loyal DC readers are all sitting on a street corner holding cups and/or signs that read "will work for comics." On their faces are a look of...
Caption: Desperation
Enough hating on DC this week. Next article look for an expansion on Dr. Johnson's article about who's a skrull. Maybe I'm a skrull...which wouldn't be likely since if I had the chance to shapeshift I'd head to DC and replace Didio.
pb
I know, I read comics. How much a continuity problem could I really have when characters fly, destroy stuff with their brains, and regularly try to save the earth from some threat which wrecks half of it. Really, the clean up bill and time for any major metahuman fight would be enough to raise a few eyebrows of reality. Yet, I saw this other day and this bothered the bajeezus out of me.
Martian Manhunter has morphed into Blockbuster (another DC villain) so he can do recon on this planet of villains. He's done this at the request of Batman (this again, how in the world do the other mind readers NOT pick up on the fact that he's not really him?). But to be fair, he's there, calling Bats, and giving him the 411.
All of a sudden, Catwoman sees him. She's in a tree (natch) and about 15 yards away, tops. There's nothing else in the area. NOTHING. And yet (as I know) he does not notice her AT ALL.
Rewind to a little ditty called the Technis Imperative (quick refresher: Cyborg, Victor Stone, is a huge Galvatron-like planet that kidnaps anyone who's been a titan (kind of a bizarre Titans reunion). In short, this conflict is used to stage a JLA vs. Titans brawl (no bad guys in this one at all) AND to launch the 3rd gen Titans series (which soon gets canceled because it's not that great...).
My boy, J'onn J'onnz, is hanging out in this fifty foot trench, surrounded by tech, about 40 titans, and 15 JLAers. Somehow, while all this is going on, he mentally senses Catwoman's presence. She's about oh 50 feet away. HOW!?!?
Of course I blame Dan Didio for this.
Foreshadowing
Comics have advertised upcoming story lines for a couple of years now. Kinda like a mini-movie preview. Some have been kind of cool, others way too cryptic for anyone to care. Over a year ago the big Double D (Dan Didio) unveiled a two page spread with a bunch of superheroes on it standing around a destroyed statue of liberty head. This spread, explained later by Double D, apparently foreshadowed future plot lines and deaths in up coming issues. Many of these things have only just been revealed.
In the newest picture villains are in 4 groups of three with some heroes peppered in. Luthor's hanging out in the middle in some "oh my God what have I done!?!" type picture with purplish/reddish blood all of his hands. What do all these things mean in this picture? I'll tell you what they mean (no spoilers to worry about since I'll admit I don't read any sites which actually have spoilers...):
Group 1:
Martian Manhunter holding a knife with blood, Joker pointing a finger with one hand, placing his other hand on the shoulder of and talking to...Catwoman who is standing there baffled.
What we know at this point...
The three of them are on the alien planet that everyone got sent to. As I explained earlier JJ is doing recon, Catwoman sees him, and Joker is running one of three factions (the smart money by the by is on Vandal Savage who has lived for centuries).
What this might mean...
JJ is gonna kill Joker and end the Batman series forever; Catwoman's gonna retire. Or, JJ somehow saves Catwoman from the Joker.
Group 2:
Kingdom Come Superman holding what looks to be Ray Palmer(?) in his hand; cyborg superman chillin' out; Superman/boy Prime in new super cool Darth Vader type outfit whispering in Cyborg's ear.
What we know at this point...
Sadly, not the most cryptic group but their story lines make it that way. Prime has supposedly found his planet only to then destroy it and others. Whereabouts currently unknown. Hank Henshaw (cyborg supes) got the snot beat out of him by Green Lanterns and is being put back together by the manhunters, ALTHOUGH they've played up his story line a lot that he doesn't really wanna be a bad guy...confused...yep...and KC Supes, well, he's hanging out...trying to find Gog...not only do their story lines not cross but one of them is a good guy.
What this might mean...
Prime's telling Cyborg "dude, you're gonna get blown up and put back together and blown up again." KC Supes is like "I have you Ray Palmer and now you will give me back the $20 you owe me for our bet concerning Alex Ross' writing ability."
Group 3:
Granny Goodness with shield behind her, Mary Marvel in black costume, Eclipso doing a freaky tongue thing to MM.
What we know at this point...
MM just got her powers back and is not wearing black, GG is dead and was orchestrating the whole Amazons Attack thing, Eclipso is MIA. Even more confused...I hope so...
What this might mean...
Clearly a cheap way for the editors at DC to say "hey, we really wanted to do explain why Amazons Attack happened, and to show that Mary Marvel could be evil, and to show that there's no getting rid of Jean Loring as Eclipso." Essentially this is a CYA move by DC for poor plot planning.
Group 4:
Trickster is holding Piper's flute, Desaad is looking creepy and well...Desaad like, and then there's the Penguin, the most innocuous of the group.
What we know so far...
Oh yeah, this is my favorite cluster...Desaad's been stealing people's powers and trying to stay alive as all the 4th world characters are getting picked off. But, now he's dead. Trickster's been dead for most of the year (and Piper just recently died). And Pengy? Well, I haven't seen him AT ALL throughout most of Countdown.
What this might mean...
Trickster is clearly saying "can you believe this mess? When is this going to end?" with Penguin responding "Trickster, that's the blood of all the writers that Didio fired," and of course Desaad thinking "boy I'm creepy." They will all have their own series coming up...
Luthor:
What we know so far...
After the everyman experiment failing AND his injustice league failing he's apparently donned his early 1980's outfit and killed someone he didn't want to.
What this might mean...
Luthor's going retro...expect Brainiac to do the same.
Everything Else:
Well we know that the broken skis are for the Black Racer dying, the book of blood has a knife through it...if I read that series I'd tell you something profound but I bore easily of the worthlessness of it, the broken arrow is for Conner Hawke, the boom tube and the compass thingy are probably related...but I don't know how, or really care, and lastly the big broken stone head of Darkseid (whom, of course, will be the ONLY survivor of the 4th world since he's too cool to kill off, ever) well that means that he doesn't win.
In short, I don't have the answers...but this time around I have a feeling that DC doesn't either.
DC Successories
Related to some foreshadowing ads but seemingly went from super cool to super ridiculous is DC's newest ads unveiled about a month ago.
The Cool One:
Mongul is hanging out looking at his hand which is adorned with a Sinestro Ring and a Green Lantern ring. Rising above his hand is a new star sapphire ring. The caption below reads "Domination." Part of what makes this cool is the very greedy look on Mongul's face.
The Ridiculous One:
Brainiac 13 (or Luthor dressed as Brainiac 13) is hooked up to all manner of tubes and wires with two major tubes plugged into bottles holding two somewhat similarly looking cities (think Kandor). Underneath the caption reads "Oppression." What kills this is the very "Dude I'm so getting high" look on B13's face.
So what does all this mean? If you've been following GL at all you'll know that Mongul does indeed have a sinestro ring. This not only seems feasible but with the way all the cool stuff is happening with the GL series now seems the most exciting to find out (mass credit to Geoff Johns and Eddie Berganza). However, like the Penguin, we haven't seen a trace of B13 at all...we've seen him in only tiny pockets here and there ever since he got shoved back to the beginning of time to be destroyed with Imperiex.
This does inspire other possible DC Successories ads:
Picture: Extent's got a series of clocks around him at various times, including a series of decorative Swatch's on his wrist. On his face is a strained look.
Caption: Frustration
Picture: Tony Stark has a series of empty bottles around him and is passed out with various parts of his Iron Man costume off and on him. On his face is a drunk look.
Caption: Incapacitation
Picture: Dan Didio has pictures of various superheroes who he's killed off (or will kill off) and is smiling with a handful of darts. On his face is that stupid mustache.
Caption: Creative Mutilation
Picture: Scores of loyal DC readers are all sitting on a street corner holding cups and/or signs that read "will work for comics." On their faces are a look of...
Caption: Desperation
Enough hating on DC this week. Next article look for an expansion on Dr. Johnson's article about who's a skrull. Maybe I'm a skrull...which wouldn't be likely since if I had the chance to shapeshift I'd head to DC and replace Didio.
pb
Monday, February 11, 2008
X-Skrulls? The Odds of Your Favorite Mutants Being Skrull Infiltrators
Secret Invasion is kicking off soon and today we’ll be examining the possible Skrulls on the X-Men teams.
Three small words changed the marvel universe forever…sorta. Wanda Maximof’s final spell as the Scarlet Witch, “No More Mutants” sent shockwaves through the multiverse, depowering all but 198 mutants. Of course after that, many of the depowered mutants got their powers back, but a number have also been killed, so the number is likely still around the 200 mark.
Of course the decimation really served as a way for the writers at Marvel Inc. to rid themselves of many unnecessary characters who had been created in the 90’s. The aftermath of the decimation was nothing less than a long series of slaps to the collective face of the 198, but now things are turning around for the X-Men. After the rebirth of Jean Grey (supposedly) we may finally start seeing a resurgence in the mutant population.
Of course, just as this turn of fortune happens, the Marvel Universe is still reeling from the events of Civil War and World War Hulk- but is that enough? The answer, of course, is no. Secret Invasion has supposedly been the penultimate goal of the editors since before the Civil War. Skrull soldiers have been infiltrating every echelon of super-human society and here’s what we know so far:
1) Electra and Black Bolt were both Skrulls.
2) There is a Skrull on ever team.
3) They seem to be people who have died once, but miraculously come back to life.
So with those in mind I researched every single X-Man or X-Affiliate since the beginning of the mutant line and have come up with a list of potential candidates for their Invaders. I looked at three factors, the first was who had died at least once, number of results: 39/100 (note that none of the New X-Men: Academy X were included as possible Skrulls). Next, who had come back to life, results: 18/39. Then, who of those who returned from the netherworld, retained their powers- since a powerless Skrull would be fairly pointless- results: 18/18.
So who made the list? Let’s take a look.
1) Northstar- Jean-Paul Beaubier was once part of Alpha Flight, before he joined the X-Men and became their second openly gay member (the first being Karma). Unfortunately, he didn’t last long enough to make tenure as he was eviscerated by Wolverine during the early years of Academy X. Wolverine was being controlled by “The Hand,” a league of assassins led by Electra, who we now know has been a Skrull for a long while. His body was stolen from under Beast’s nose before an autopsy could be done, and he later returned to life and rejoined the X-Men. The likelihood of Jean-Paul being a Skrull at this point is extremely high.
2) Xorn- The mysterious healer who turned out to be Magneto…kinda. Xorn apparently was an entity who took on the form of a man that the X-Men had rescued from a Chinese Mutant Growth Hormone (MGH) manufacturing plant. He had no head, in it’s place was a nutron star, which had to be contained within a special helmet. What was also concealed, and what we were led to believe, was that it was actually Magneto under the helmet. Unfortunately, Xorn-Magneto was killed by Wolverine in
3) Magneto- Speaking of Eric Lensher, he had allegedly died in the sentinel attack on Genosha, but later came back to life before the events in “The House of M” storyline. But what if he never came back from Genosha, his attitude has always been very war-like (that is to say, very Skrull-like). Likelihood of Magnus being an Infiltrator, high.
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5) Colossus- The metal giant who’s been a heavy hitter for the X-Men since the 1980’s. He recently returned so Joss Whedon could use him in his run of Astonishing X-Men, but no real explanation was given for his return. He has been different now, but still retains his commitment to his sister Illyana, who is once again Dark Chylde. The likelihood of Pitor Rasputin being an Infiltrator, high to mid.
6) Cyclops- The man who died, and returned as Apocalypse, but then got rid of Apocalypse and had an affair with Emma Frost. He’s a complicated man with a mind for tactics and no sense of humor. He’s recently been criticized for resorting to killing, and disbanding the X-Men in the wake of Xavier’s death. His motivation has been suspect, and the likelihood of being a Skrull is mid.
7) Mondo- A member of Generation X who was killed, but was later revealed to be a clone. Or was he? Again, we have a case where we’ve seen the person die, but it wasn’t really them…it was a clone, but what if that was the real Mondo and this imposter is a Skrull. Unfortunately, Mondo hasn’t been seen or heard from in quite a while and there has been no confirmation of his status after M-Day. Skrull likelihood, mid.
8) Mystique- Raven Darkholme, the shape changer who always seems to betray the X-Men. She shot Rouge, she poisoned Ice Man and joined the Marauders all within the space of two issues! She has died, disappeared and reappeared many times in the past, there have been numerous opportunities for her to be replaced. Again, we see someone here who still has a commitment to her family- as she was willing to sacrifice ‘The Baby’ to save Rouge. The likelihood of being an Infiltrator, mid.
9) Psylocke- The teenage ninja with the mind of a spy. She’s currently tripping with the Exiles, but that was a recent development, occurring after Civil War. Again, her return was never fully explained to the readers, so there is a possibility for her being a Skrull- but it’s lowered by her being off world/dimension at the moment.
There’s a number of honorable mentions and why it’s unlikely for them to be Skrulls:
- Blindfold: Killed herself for a few hours to prevent Exodus from killing her, body was accounted for at all times.
- Cable: Currently in the future, with The Baby, so won’t be a part of this event.
- Magik: Now the ruler of Limbo, not likely a Skrull would have enough power to do so.
- Rockslide: Now confirmed to be a rock Gollum, who pulls surrounding rock together to form a body for his own physical awareness.
- Sabertooth: Though we haven’t seen him recently, it’s likely because he was tossed into the middle of the Pacific by Cable’s TK, not because he’s a Skrull.
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- Sunfire: As a horseman of Apocalypse, it’s unlikely that he would have been chosen as a Skrull.
- Vulcan: The Emperor of the Shi’Ar Empire, again it’s unlikely that he could achieve this feat as the Shi’Ar would have detected him.
Well, those are my predictions; Northstar and Darwin are the infiltrators and will try to destroy the X-Men during Secret Invasion. One way or another, we’ll know who’s who very soon.
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